THE HOME COMING OF NELSE AINSLEY T has been many a year since any public event brought t' th' surface as much lively interest as the home comin' exercises at Melodeon Hall in honor o' th' home comin' o' Mr. Nelse Ainsley. Mr. Ainsley settled in Bloom Center, Indianny, in th' early forties an' introduced th' first organ int' th' state. After a residence o' a few years he pushed forward int' th' far, an' at that time hardly known, West. At th' solicitation o' th' Merchants' Association he kindly consented t' pay his ole home town a visit an' ever' effort wuz made t' make th' event notable. Th' hall wuz crowded an' th' band played liberally, th' selections bein' interspersed by th' Rusty Hinge quartette, whose numbers evoked much applause. Th' address o' welcome by Prof. Tansey, of our schools, wuz unaffected an' delivered without th' aid o' notes or a Prince Albert coat. Th' Professor arose as he would naturally arise an' his remarks revealed a surprisin' amount o' knowledge o' th' conditions here an' in th' far West in th' early days. He said: "Ther has been in my life four particularly bright epochs, if I may say so, that stand out on memory's scroll, so t' speak, like four golden pillars on some desert fastness. Th' first wuz my privilege in introducin' William Jennings Bryan at Shoals, this state, in 1896. Th' second, th' distinguished honor, if I may say so, of havin' been selected t' perform th' same function four years later at Tulip, this state. Th' third, so t' speak, wuz th' still further distinction o' bein' called to introduce th' Peerless Nebraskan, if I may say so, four years later at Rensselaer, this state. Now, ladies an' gentlemen, so t' speak, an' members o' th' band, th' comin' splendid epoch, which will make a total o' four, is th' genuine pleasure o' bein' permitted t' introduce t' you t' night that rugged old successful excitizen an' unparalleled frontiersman, if I may be permitted t' say so, Mr. Nelse Ainsley. "Mr. Ainsley has weathered all th' vicissitudes o' th' early West an' now, in th' evenin' o' life, he comes back t' us unscathed an' well fixed, so t' speak, t' talk t' you o' his memorable career an' express his great gratification in bein' able t' be among th' friends, so t' speak, o' his early manhood. My friends, I introduce to you Mr. Nelse Ainsley." (Uproarous applause lastin' some minutes.) As Prof. Tansey took his seat near th' floral horseshoe th' guest o' th' evenin' arose with some effort an' said: "Ladies an' gent'men, I hain't no speech maker."—ABE MARTIN. CHIVALROUS BOBBY AGED SIX Oat luncheon, Mother noticed that the spoon ON NE day when the whole family were seated in the jelly-dish was not in the condition it should have been, whereupon she reprimanded the waitress quite sharply. Before the disconcerted maid could mend matters, little Bobby piped up: "Does it look as if somebody had licked it?" -D. L. ELMendorf. O THE HIGHER CRITICISM H Tommy Cats, My Tommy Cats, To be a kittenchism. -ETHEL WATTS Mumford. THE DOLL'S HOUSE LITTLE maids of tender age Feel that all the world's a stage. Earnestly they play their part Learning Mother's useful art. In a doll's house all complete Their reward when all is done, Is Mother's smile, which is their sun. Little maids do well your part -THETTA QUAY FRANKS. WHEN 'SPERIENCE A Banjo Song HEN de moon shines froo de pines On de hill, An' de swamp am cole an' still, Ole Man Skunk comes er scuffelin' aroun' A-diggin' in de groun', A-diggin' in de groun'; But I isn't gwine out fur to see what he foun', Not me! When Ole Man Skunk comes a-callin' in de yard Leave him be! Leave him be! or he gwine to leave he card! When de sun shines froo de pines An' de li'l lizards play all day 'Roun' de shack, An' de blue bird done come back, Ole Man Skunk comes a-shuffelin' aroun' A-scratchin' in de groun', A-scratchin' in de groun'; But I sits right tight fur I knows dat sound Yaas, me! |