Imagens das páginas
PDF
ePub

THE MOSQUITO.

MOST GRACIOUS SIRE: The letter with which you have honored me has been to me a source of great anxiety, in consequence of its most original style of calligraphics. Brother Bromley, who always has been my adviser in spiritual things, but whom I am also in the habit of consulting in important worldly matters, took your kind letter in his hands and, after having turned it from side to side, addressed me with the following words:

"My young friend, this is a Chinese letter, and as Chinese is not written in lines, but in columns, you ought to have held it this way, and you easily would have found that it is a bill for washing and ironing. When I represented my country in Tien Tsin, I received every week a document of

similar character; in fact, it was the only official correspondence I indulged in during my stay at Tien Tsin. You see here Hong Kong Shanghai Peking Ironing Washington, and here in the corner is the receipt of the bill, 'You tam fool,' which means, payment received, and is also the polite style by which foreigners are addressed in Tien Tsin."

This explanation did not satisfy me, so I interviewed Mr. Marshall, who has lent me several times valuable assistance in deciphering letters of Charley Stoddard and other Aztec hieroglyphs.

"That lets me out," he said. "The only advice I can give you is, apply to Charley Stoddard; he is the highest authority in this style of calligraphics."

I sent the letter to Charley and promptly received this answer:

"Yes, I recognize my own handwriting; but you know very well that I cannot read any of my manuscripts older than twelve months."

[graphic]

55

Then I did show the letter to Dan O'Connell, who read to me fluently an advertisement of a professor to teach waltzing in three lessons. "Some unknown friend," he explained, "has heard about your affliction by gout and recommends you this new cure."

Now I have tried the cure, took the three lessons, but, as you see, without the desired effect. Nevertheless, I am confident I would have been cured if I only had learned to waltz. Finally, thrown on my own resources, I succeeded in finding out,

1. That the document was written in English;

2. That it referred to the High Jinks of the Bohemian Club;

3. That it referred to something else whose nature was doubtful. The something read sometimes like dry goods, other times more like mosquitoes.

The latter version appeared to me the more probable, being the more appropriate one for a student of entomology. Neverthe

It

less, it appeared to me the safest plan to combine the two versions into one, and so, by joining the mosquito to dry goods, I obtained the mosquito bar, a liquid body, which I used to take in Sacramento before going to sleep. This substance, it is true, would not protect me against the sting of the mosquito; but, when taken in sufficient quantity, would prevent my feeling the stings in a similar way as Tommy Newcomb cured temporarily a toothache. was in the old rooms of the Club, where one evening he was suffering, complaining, and expressing his firm intention to get drunk. Now, if Tommy had taken that vow, I do not know a single instance of his not being true to his word; so he succeeded very well that night, and when I met him the following day at luncheon with a swollen face, I was afraid that the cure had not taken effect; but he assured me the remedy was infallible, and added: "The whole night I had the most excruciating toothache, but did n't feel it because I was drunk."

The mosquito (Tipula pipiens) belongs to the class of Diptera, which class easily can be distinguished from the rest of insects by its species having one pair of wings and three pairs of legs. Angels also have a pair of wings, but the mosquito has the advantage in the number of legs. Nevertheless, most people prefer an angel with a single pair of well-developed legs, even if the wings should be wanting, to all the six legs of the mosquito. Also, they prefer her kiss to the kiss of the mosquito. The jaws of the mosquito are so constructed that he cannot chew, only kiss. But he makes up for the weakness of his jaws by plenty of cheek.

In his larval state he lives in the water and is strictly temperate. During his aquatic larval state he breathes atmospheric air by a pair of tubes at his anal end. This, of course, necessitates his coming at stated times to the surface of the water and sticking out his anal end with the respiring tubes and disrespect of surroundings, which

« AnteriorContinuar »