signatures of wealthy fellow-citizens. But as this style of calligraphics was not considered lawful, he was sentenced to prison for life; that is, according to the rules of the mild patriarchal government of the region, he was allowed for several months inside of a penitentiary, to study the charmingly adapted architecture of the place, and then was put on board of a vessel bound for America, under the conditions never to return and to adopt the name of Pilgrim Father.

It was then the custom that no foreigner whatever was admitted on American soil without his accepting an office. No sooner heard the first of the Mohicans, who was then the President of the United States, of the arrival of another cargo of distinguished foreigners, than he asked the favor of a private interview with Hans Meyer. Hans Meyer found the first of the Mohicans busily employed smoking his calumet filled with Amigos primera calidad, calle de Obispo.

"Hans Meyer," said the first of the Mohicans, "glad to make your acquaintance. You see, this government is a philanthropic experiment. We want to make everybody fit to fill every office, and for that reason we appoint for each office the man who is least adapted, for his mind and capacities are most in need of being developed in that very direction. There is, viz., Flanagan, a mild Celt and an enthusiastic admirer of law and order. We make him Chief of Police. There is the tribe Levy, with its timehonored reputation for honesty. We never elect a City and County Assessor but his Christian name is Levy. In former times we used to fill the office of Coroner by some undertaker, but since we discovered that these people really understand something about that business we take a doctor. Now, my friend, the circumstance of your being an unsophisticated Northern barbarian without any education would admirably adapt you for the office of Superintendent of Public Education; but some fellow pas

sengers of yours have stated that you know some Latin; that, of course, disqualifies you forever. Now, I will tell you what I can do. I will create a new office for your sake and make you Inspector of Mothers-in-law."

Hearing this, Hans Meyer grew pale, went to the next blacksmith and ordered a dress coat, borrowed from a tinman a stovepipe and a pair of gloves, took a drink, and had a building erected on the same thoughtful style of architecture that he had studied during his stay at the Baltic penitentiary, and disappeared from the sight of man. After some weeks his friends entered the house and found Hans Meyer stark dead, in full armor, leaning against a corner. Some said he died by an abscess of the liver, others by brandy and water on the brain. Some contended that during his sleep rattlesnakes crept into his boots. The Coroner pronounced it a womb complaint, called affection of the mother-in-law.

His friends passed eleven resolutions, beginning with, "Whereas, it has pleased Di

vine Providence in its inscrutable wisdom," and the jury gave the verdict: "Killed by the inscrutable wisdom of Providence."

ON a former occasion our most gracious Sire has proved the descent of the human race from above; he has defeated the prevailing notion of our descent from the monkey, a theory which found its chief support in the homœopathic maxim, Simia similibus. He has proved, not only theoretically, but also practically, with imminent peril of his life, the descent from the balloon.

One day when I was in these rooms, at an early hour, when all good Bohemians were embraced by the arms of Morpheus or were embracing somebody else, I was wrapt in a brown study about Darwinism. My state of mind was caused by a conversation with our brother Harry Edwards on a previous day, which resulted in a slight headache. I was absorbed in the contemplation