spiral or spirits, and are the cause of a affection called "Filtririum clemens."

Thirdly, the microbe in his or her matr monial relations: The microbe is not ve affectionate. He can be tamed and made follow his master, but he never, never wi love you. He propagates by separati pretty much as they do in Indiana. So multiplies by division, and in produci several individuals he loses his own in viduality.

Now, if we consider all these losses a difficulties, ought we not to be thankful?

THIS time I am not taken by surprise. I know I am always called for late at night, like the loose troops that cover the retreat of the really valuable army; and as it is a great strain on my nerves to keep sober a whole evening, I have committed my ideas to paper, and this is my extempore speech.

Brother Phelan, I am here not only to congratulate you, because a man who has been found worthy to govern the Bohemian Club can derive but little satisfaction from the dignity of being Mayor of San Francisco, but I am here to give you advice. This city, inhabited by honest, hard-drinking men, has many grievances. Our pavement, for instance, is of great importance. Climate and habits dispose us to gout. You recollect Dr. Arthur Stout, the inveterate

punster of this organization. He frequently said, "Chaqu'un à son gout." Pavement is of great consequence to elderly gentlemen. It always touches my heart to see a friend, when crossing the street, how carefully he treats the cobblestones of our pavements. Public property must be treated with consideration.

Now, there is a place whose access is paved by good intentions. Why not use the same material for paving this good city? I own the material is rather friable, but there is such a supply of it, and our City Fathers are on such excellent terms with the owner of that place, that they may get the material at a nominal expense.

In the hope that you will follow this disinterested suggestion, I am convinced that a man who has filled the presidential chair of this important organization will find it an easy task to rule an insignificant city like San Francisco.

My remarks on FISHES will be distributed under three heads:

Ist. The definition: What is a FISH?
2d. Classification of FISHES.
3d. Spiritual advice.

According to the generally adopted definition, a fish is a vertebrate animal that breathes through gills. Everybody sees that this is a very superficial definition; for we have not time always to look for a spinal column, and as for the gills, they are generally removed by the cook.

My definition is: A fish is an aquatic animal without feet and without hair. Somebody might say this definition will embrace also the snake; but the snake is amphibious, -he can live both in the water and in the boots.

The fish is essentially without hair. Fish's hair-oil has been tried at different times by several members of our Academy of Sciences on their own heads, without producing anything like the desired effect.

The fish has no feet, which circumstance saves him a world of trouble; having no feet, he has no big toe; having no big toe, he has no gout; having no gout, he is not suffering from the pavements of this good city.

I had invited a good friend to assist at this symposium; I am sorry to say that he was prevented by an attack of his old enemy, the gout.

This good friend has suggested at different times a method how to improve the pavement of San Francisco for the benefit of the gouty members of this community, who represent a considerable proportion, and at the same time to settle that most vexing question about asphalt, basalt, and Nicholson.

My friend refers to a well-known place