that of green glasses, or distinguish the odor of sanctity and the smell of a drug-store; but when I finally succeeded in doing so, I made up my mind to give virtue a fair shake. Gentlemen, I have practiced several virtues, moderately, of course, for I always was of temperate habits,-but somehow or other during the whole time of my experiments I felt dejected and miserable, and the happiest moment of my life was when I dropped virtue altogether. Virtue is a swindle. I have seen people ruined by one single virtue. How would they have fared then had they possessed two, three, or more. On the other hand, I have a friend, a dear friend, who is in possession of a complete and well-arranged collection of all those vices that possibly can be practiced in this sublunary world, and he is happy, he is successful, he is at peace with himself and with the whole world. It is true I know there are instances where people have been ruined by vice; but in such our contemplation under three different heads: First My aunt. Second-My own experience. Third and final - Conclusions drawn from my aunt and good advice given by myself. My aunt was an elderly lady, not exactly prepossessing in her exterior, but shockingly virtuous and as unmarried as possible. Her favorite beverage was tea of valerian with a stick in it of sulphuric ether. She wore green spectacles, always felt miserable and respectable, and between asafoetida and valerian led a most unhappy life. Her only occupation was virtue. In her leisure hours she made a most interesting collection of medicine-bottles and pill-boxes, of all shapes and sizes. So she used to sit near the peaceful slope of her favorite pill-box, looking through her green spectacles at humanity as it passed her window, and talked virtue and gossip. It took considerable time before I could separate the idea of virtue from that of green glasses, or distinguish the odor of sanctity and the smell of a drug-store; but when I finally succeeded in doing so, I made up my mind to give virtue a fair shake. Gentlemen, I have practiced several virtues, moderately, of course, for I always was of temperate habits,-but somehow or other during the whole time of my experiments I felt dejected and miserable, and the happiest moment of my life was when I dropped virtue altogether. Virtue is a swindle. I have seen people ruined by one single virtue. How would they have fared then had they possessed two, three, or more. On the other hand, I have a friend, a dear friend, who is in possession of a complete and well-arranged collection of all those vices that possibly can be practiced in this sublunary world, and he is happy, he is successful, he is at peace with. himself and with the whole world. It is true I know there are instances where people have been ruined by vice; but in such cases you will observe they always have been ruined by one vice, never by several at the same time; and so it is evident that they were not ruined by that one vice, but by the absence of all others. Alas! vice is no more what it was when I was young. Vice is growing monotonous; there is not enough variety in it, and it is a most melancholy fact that since Sir Walter Raleigh introduced tobacco no new vice has been invented. The inventor of a new one would be a benefactor to humanity. Now, here is an object worthy of the accumulated energies of the Bohemian congregation. Let us invent some new vice, and coming generations will bless our memory. ARCHEOLOGY. WHEN I received the order of our most gracious Sire to appear before him at the Christmas High Jinks and report on the progress made in the Archæological Section of the organization, I began immediately my investigations by borrowing books from all libraries that had not yet had any sad experiences in my direction. The message of our most gracious Sire met me at 5 P. M., at the exact moment when my thirst for knowledge transforms itself into a thirst for something else, and I felt highly honored, but at the same time at a loss how to respond to a confidence placed in me on such an important and serious matter. Modern history of the Bohemian Club is comparatively well known. The celebrated historians, Tommy Newcomb and |