swarms with myriads of living beings, each provided with individuality and actively engaged in the pursuit of happiness. We also have here a society to promote cruelty of insects to man-no, to prevent cruelty to animals. This society recognizes two reasons which justify the taking of animal life; but under no circumstances are we permitted to inflict tortures on living beings; and would it not be a torture for these myriads, engaged in the pursuit of happiness, to be exposed to the horrors of our intestinal tube? Before swallowing these poor aquatics we have to kill them, in as mild and pleasant a way as is compatible with the process. This object we obtain by diluting the water with alcohol, a method agreeable. to both parties and at the same time administering spiritual comfort. Dr. Swan, who frequently assisted me in the diluting process and aided in my experiments, has seen through a microscope of 2,675 horse-power the microbes, during the diluting process, joyfully clapping their hands and singing

out: "Death, where is thy sting? Hell, where is thy victory?" which means, in the language of microbes, "We won't go home till morning."

A NEW PHILOSOPHICAL INSTRUMENT.

I WAS very much at a loss by what token I could show my friendship on such a festive day. Pondering over this subject, I entered the hall of our Academy of Sciences, where I am accustomed to take at regular intervals my semi-monthly nap. From this I was startled by a lecture given by our learned Professor of Meteorology, who developed a new theory of heat produced by inverted comic action of irradiating ether. He accounted for the length of day in summer by expansion. The day is in summer expanded by heat, and contracts in winter even beyond its natural volume by the action of elasticity. The learned Professor also produced a philosophical instrument uniting in itself the merits of thermometer, barometer, aneroid, theodolite, corkscrew,

and toothpick-very useful and hereafter indispensable to the traveling scientist.

You may ask how I came into possession of this valuable instrument. I borrowed it for an indefinite space of time. This is my system, but, I am sorry to say, practiced by many people without their giving me credit. Before I hand over to you this valuable instrument I have to give you some instructions as to its use.

When placed outside doors in a prominent position, this instrument will indicate every current of air by pointing to the opposite direction. As our temperature is regulated by such currents, the instrument will act as a thermometer.

You ascertain the amount of atmospheric water by the circumstance that the instrument gets wet when it rains. By a simple algebraic formula you will find abundantly the inches of rain fallen during the season, and a fraction that perhaps might remain undissolved you may donate to our grangers, who never get rain enough, or distrib